Nothing has changed, yet everything has changed. He told us this is what would happen back in June when he, the vet that is, told us that Penny had skin cancer. The chemo would slow it down, but the prognosis was 6-12 months. That eventually we would have to make the decision that Penny’s quality of life was such that we would have to make The Decision.

Well, for the last 6 months we’ve been doing chemo treatments every three weeks, and it has kept the skin problems at bay. But now, her hair is thinning, she has missing in spots of hair revealing pink and scaling skin, she has a couple of sores that have gotten bigger over the last two weeks. She has a sore on one of her eyelids, and a couple around her mouth, two behind her ear… It happened fast, which is why it’s so scary. How fast is it going to be before she is so uncomfortable that we have to make The Decision?

We took her to the vet yesterday, so that he could see her and actually see the sores first hand. I had sent him pictures 10 days before. Together we all decided that we would stop the chemo treatments and just focus on making her comfortable. I was given creams and ointments and sprays and drops for all the various spots. 

We talked about her mood, she’s still silly and stubborn, a little more tired that she used to be, but still active. We talked about the roots of the word Euthanasia… the eu part of the word means good… a good death. He asked us not to wait until she was too far gone to make the decision, to give her a good death. It hung in the air, she would only get worse, keep her happy, give her all the love and time and attention, but when it got too bad, make the decision to give her a good death.

I got the distinct impression that he didn’t think she would last the year. He told us he would be out of the office until January, and that if we needed to come in before that, not to wait for him. 

Maybe it won’t be that fast… we can’t know for sure. All we can do now is be in the moment, make her comfortable, and let her know she’s loved.

Nothing has actually changed, not really, we knew this was coming, we just hoped we’d have more time. And now, it feels like everything has changed… we went from keeping the skin cancer on pause with chemo to hospice care. I feel like I’m already mourning, yet here she is still my little duckling, full of life and wanting all the goodies. She still uses me as a springboard to ask for the ultimate goodie, green stick is what I call it (Veggident). She still wants to go for walks and snuggle. I’m so sad that I want to cry, but no, not yet… she’s still here. Live in the moment, let her know she’s loved.

I don’t know what my level of blogging will be in the coming weeks. I’m still reeling from yesterday’s vet appointment. It’s hard to think right now. Keep Penny in your thoughts, as well as Duke. We’ll be spending as much time as we can trying to make Penny’s days full of fun and love.

Until next time…

~nic